Olympics mania
If you have anything mean to say about Simone Biles I will destroy you
The Olympics are here and very online
The world’s greatest athletes have convened in Tokyo to play sports and win medals or whatever, but maybe the most important thing to catch up on is all of their TikTok accounts.
Reversing rules from the 2016 Rio games, the International Olympic Committee has loosened their social media guidelines, unleashing athletes on TikTok, where they’ve been posting about everything from the state of their living quarters, to winning gold medals, to their unabashed horniness for other athletes.
TikTok users are also attempting to use this newfound access to shoot their shot… likely with little success. But like, hey, how else are you supposed to flirt with world-class surfers?
Maybe the most online Olympian though is U.S. rugby player Ilona Maher who is posting an absurd amount of content for really anyone, let alone someone … competing in the Olympics. That being said, she’s great.
Simone Biles is literally better than you in every conceivable way
You’ve likely heard by now that gymnastics GOAT Simone Biles pulled out of the Olympics due to mental health reasons. And of course every trash man on the internet decided to have an opinion about that.
As if anyone, ANYONE, somehow has the authority to tell the greatest gymnast of all time what she should do with her body and life. Sheesh, I hate it here.
And in non-international sports competition news:
The DaBaby Debacle
This week has been a true shitstorm for Charlotte rapper, Da“only has one flow”Baby. I highly recommend this Vulture article from Craig Jenkins, but I’ll also give a recap:
While performing at the Rolling Loud festival in Miami, DaBaby brought Tory Lanez (a rapper who made headlines last year after he allegedly shot Megan Thee Stallion in the foot) on stage, which was pretty blatantly disrespectful, as Meg had just performed onstage prior. Somebody threw a shoe at DaBaby because of this. Long live the “Adida Bandit”!
During the same performance, DaBaby went on a brief, unprompted homophobic rant, making offensive comments about gay sex and AIDS. Why????? Nobody knows.
Later on, DaBaby takes to Instagram Live, claiming that his speech was mischaracterized as homophobic, saying, “I wasn’t going on no rant — that’s called a call-to-action… Look. All the lights went up — gay or straight. You wanna know why? ’Cause even my gay fans don’t have fuckin’ AIDS.” Literally what does this even mean.
Former collaborator Dua Lipa also took to Instagram, to condemn DaBaby’s words, saying she was “surprised and horrified” by the Rolling Loud incident.
In a somehow weirder turn of events, DaBaby releases a music video for a song called “Giving What It’s Supposed to Give,” which closes with a message in rainbow colors: “Don’t fight hate with hate. My apologies for being me the same way you want the freedom to be you.” Still not really an apology, but OK.
More celebs weigh in, including Questlove, Elton John and Madonna, all condemning DaBaby.
Chris Brown (??) weighs in, posting on Instagram “Shut the fuck up. Do yo shows, thank everybody, then get the fuck off stage!!!!!!!!!!” … Pack it up people, if Chris Brown decides that he wants to be the authority on appropriate situational conduct, you’re in way too damn deep.
What an absurd mess. Look, moral of the story, don’t be a famous person and spout homophobic stuff. Actually, just don’t be homophobic in the first place!! Didn’t think that was a lesson that still needed to be learned.
You’re telling me a beach made me old?
M. Night Shyamalan is back with another wackadoodle movie filled with twists, turns and a severely underutilized cast.
A quick primer on his latest flick: “Old” is a thriller about a family on vacation who discover a secluded beach that somehow causes them to age rapidly, reducing their entire lives into a single day. They try to leave. For whatever M. Night Shyamalan twisty reason they cannot. Chaos ensues.
It’s an M. Night Shyamalan movie, so of course it’s going to be nutso, but I don’t know man… A beach… that makes you old… I think this movie is a longwinded PSA to tell everyone to wear sunscreen. Or more propaganda to try to sell Alex Wolff as a serious actor (I grew up in the 2000s!! That boy is a member of the Naked Brothers Band and I will not accept him as anything else!!)
If you’re like me, and really don’t want to watch this movie, but also are dying to know why this beach makes people old, check out this breakdown from Slate.
Lil Nas X, king of the internet
Last week, “Old Town Road” singer Lil Nas X released a music video for his song “Industry Baby” feat. Jack Harlow. The music video was yet another digital marketing knockout from Lil Nas, as it riffs off the recent lawsuit that he was named in with Nike.
Although this isn’t to say that the music video didn’t have its haters (and straight up bigots). The video features many a scantily clad man, which of course made some people lose their fricking minds, despite the fact that there are literally hundreds of music videos with naked women that have received significantly less vitriol.
Lil Nas, one of the few openly gay hip hop artists in the mainstream, was quick to point out the homophobia and double standards.
He’s spent the last week on Twitter defending himself and the LGBTQ+ community from a myriad of trash humans.
I mean really, at the end of the day, a 22-year-old rapper should not have to be shouldering the immense weight of conservative wrath and homophobia. But he’s handled it with such grace; I’m just so in awe of Lil Nas X. An incredible artist! And his music video helped raise over $40k for The Bail Project! Amazing! We love to see it!!!
ICYMI
One of the players on the national Italian football team has a tattoo sleeve of the characters from “Madagascar,” and I for one find that reason enough for them to have won the Euros Championship.
And in case you were wondering if those pictures were photoshopped, they’re not.
Idk what’s happening here, just Eater NY being brutal on Twitter
Thx for this overview as I have been extremely out of the loop on Internet Events due to work related workery. V. helpful 11/10