The Lakers catfish, and a new pop punk band to hate
Happy Friday folks! It’s been… a week. As with most of this last year, the news cycle continues to be heartbreaking and exhausting, and it would be weird for me to not acknowledge that in this newsletter about the internet. I hope you all take some time to take care of yourselves, and hopefully have the space to occasionally log off.
But moving forward I do hope this very informal thing I’m putting together brings you a sprig of joy, and sheds light on some of the weird internet stuff that maybe makes spending 20 hours on Twitter worth it.
Here were a few things that jumped out to me this week:
The Lakers podcast catfish
Whewww this one is a doozy. Okay, for the uninitiated, I highly recommend you read this full explainer from USA Today, but I’ll give you a recap as well:
Late Sunday night, early Monday morning, NBA Twitter was abuzz when it was reported that Lakers fan and podcaster Vivian Flores went missing. According to her podcast co-host she also was recently going through leukemia treatment.
But soon after the announcement, Twitter users started digging only to discover, that… Vivian might not exist at all? What follows includes her podcast co-host revealing that he’s never even met Vivian, Photoshop and audio analysis, a Kevin Durant cameo, and a video of “proof” that shows… Vivian’s name spelled wrong???? It’s still unclear who “Vivian” was created by, whether it was her podcast host or someone that just managed to dupe thousands of people, but regardless, she’s definitely not a real person.
RIP Vivian, you would have loved Vivien.
The internet’s most hated “punk” band
Meet the Tramp Stamps, Tennessee’s hottest new pop punk band. They have everything: colored hair, industry plants, a record deal with noted abuser Dr. Luke, a poor understanding of how to use matte lipstick.
The only thing they don’t have: an ability to READ THE ROOM.
The band was launched into the viral stratosphere when their song “I’d Rather Die,” started to pick up steam on TikTok, particularly one line in the song that says, “I’d rather die / Than hook up with another straight white guy.”
Users were quick to point out everything ridiculous about this: the fetishization and generalization of POC men, the fact that one of their own band members literally MARRIED a straight white guy a few years ago. The band reeked of performative feminism and inauthenticity, and people started to dogpile on the group, also calling out the weird circumstances of their fame, causing many to accuse them of being “industry plants.”
The Tramp Stamps posted some semblance of an explanation on Instagram, fighting back against the plant accusations, but somehow also blamed it on “cancel culture” and did not acknowledge the racism or signing a record label with a known abuser.
They were viscerally bullied off of TikTok in a week, receiving anger from truly everyone on all sides of the political and gender spectrum. In an attempt to court an “edgier” audience, they turned to the barely-alive Tumblr, where they were bullied off in… five hours. Say what you will about Tumblr, but even in 2021 when the site is dead as ever, the users there still have an unparalleled level of unstoppable GUMPTION.
I don’t condone cyberbullying, but if you’re going to create a punk band… just know that that demographic of listeners can smell fakeness from 10 miles away.
That’s cringe
From side parts to skinny jeans to the word “adulting”: In this maybe recurring segment, I’ll explain to you the latest thing that Gen Z hates.
The phrase, “Do not perceive me.”
Said to be the latest iteration of, “I’m a smol bean,” it gives off the energy of “I am insecure and small but in a quirky fun way.” Apparently it’s lame and you should not say it. I unfortunately do not have any further explanation as I did not save the TikToks I saw about it. Sorry, that one’s my b.
And BTS news just for me
In BTS news that I’m pretty sure no one cares about except for me (maybe Vernal does too, idk lol): McDonald’s has announced its latest celebrity-endorsed meal — following deals with J Balvin and Travis Scott — will be with BTS.
No word yet on if they’ll be offering photocards or merch, but the meal will come with special chicken nugget sauces currently only offered in South Korea.
I know that the meal is nothing special but…. if you see someone blasting “Boy With Luv” in the McDonald’s drive-thru on May 26, please keep your thoughts to yourself.
A late addendum: Friday’s Twitter main character
I know I already emailed this out, but it’s my newsletter and I can use digital worst practices if I want to!!
If you are a regular Twitter user, you know that every day, there’s a Twitter Main Character, and the goal is never to be it.
Today’s main character is: this dude that wrote an op-ed for The Orlando Sentinel.
According to him, Disney’s new inclusive policy allowing workers to show tattoos and wear unique hairstyles, will “take away from the immersive experience.” Like ah yes, seeing a man with a beard at Disney World will 100% remind me of the perils outside the walls of the Magic Kingdom. And, oh no, now when I ride Pirates of the Carribean and I don’t get to see the part where they traffic women, I am sickened by the thoughts of PC culture.
This op-ed combines two of the easiest dunkable topics: Disney adults and people who don’t understand what “woke” means. Anyways shout out to Disney for finally changing their archaic work policies, and all of the people who replied to the tweet below (“Safe Space Mountain,” lmao)