Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a break right now
The moral of today’s, and really every week’s newsletter is: Stay off the internet. You’ve been warned.
Watch out for BaDaddy
True: Following last week’s mess, Lollapalooza along with several other music festivals cut DaBaby from their lineups.
Not true: DaBaby snuck into Lollapalooza with a fake mustache parading around as someone named “BaDaddy.”
Yes, that was indeed a rumor circulating around Twitter last week when none other than former Viner/Tyler, the Creator impressionist/iconic Seattle musician Left at London posted the below graphics.
The thought of a DaBaby Mario/Wario situation is literally so funny and unfortunately a good chunk of people quote tweeting it thought it was real, but actually I think that makes it even funnier.
Although this brings me to my next point, which is: When someone posts a harmless, comical thing on Twitter, why do some people feel compelled to publicly announce that they didn’t think it was funny?
This is not a new occurrence at all, but this core tenant of reply guy behavior continues to baffle me. Yes, people oversharing on the internet is to be expected, but what’s so odd about replies like this is:
It’s genuine. They’re not trolling, they’re not making anything up. They just want to proclaim that they don’t think a popular thing is funny.
It’s rhetorical. What are they expecting people to say in response? Do they want the original creator to apologize for not being funny enough? Do they want to commiserate with other people who didn’t like it? Do they want to shame other people into not laughing at it?
It’s not a concrete criticism. Kind of a reiteration of the above point, but like they’re not pointing out any harmful things that the original poster did? What kind of changes are they hoping for? Just for the post to be… funnier?
I am obviously, likely, reading into this all too much. People can think things are not funny and that’s fine. But my evergreen philosophy is just: Never tweet. So idk, 9/10 times I’ll tell anyone, “Keep that shit to yourself.”
Why am I seeing MordeTwi memes in our lord and savior’s year of 2021
I’m not entirely sure why, but there are some ubiquitous internet comics that truly transcend all time and logic (e.g. Is this Loss?). And the latest iteration of this phenomenon: The MordeTwi ship.
Nine years ago, a DeviantArt user illustrated and posted the following comic:
On the left, you see a crudely drawn version of Twilight Sparkle from “My Little Pony,” on the right is Mordecai from Cartoon Network’s “Regular Show,” both reciting the lyrics to 2010 pop hit “Airplanes” by B.o.B. and Hayley Williams. This was posted in conjunction with fanfiction shipping Twilight Sparkle and Mordecai (hence, the name MordeTwi) and contrary to what you may think, this is not a joke. Maybe one day I will dig into the weeds of explaining the bizarre psychology and frequency of shipping completely unrelated cartoon characters, but today is not that day.
Anyways, despite this comic being almost 10 years old, the people of TikTok got a hold of it, and per usual, things have gotten very deranged, very fast. If you haven’t learned by now, TikTok is a place where someone will say, “Haha, isn’t this thing funny/weird,” and then some teenagers in Pennsylvania or Minnesota or wherever will take that to extremes that no one would think would ever be possible.
And now we’re at the point where even Hayley Williams has seen the memes, and quite frankly, she doesn’t deserve that.
Jumpscare warning: SHEIN ad
Fast fashion — clothing companies that produce high volumes of trendy pieces for cheap prices — continues to dominate the market with sites like asos and Fashion Nova which often cater to young, (probably) broke, impressionable women. But none are quite as awful or ubiquitous as SHEIN, a Chinese based company created in 2008.
SHEIN is notorious for stealing designs, cranking out an absurd amount of product, using aggressive online advertising strategies and maintaining dirt cheap prices due to their usage of unethical labor practices.
It’s worth acknowledging that their product is affordable, and for some people this can be a really accessible way to find clothing. However, the real problem lies in SHEIN’s promotion of microtrends and hauls.
Someone buying a few cute pieces from SHEIN that they can keep for a few years is way different than someone buying $100 worth of stuff every month, only to throw it away when the next trend roles around.
The fast pace of the internet has fostered the rise of this sort of microtrend: trendy fashion that goes out of style in a matter of months, if not weeks. And because SHEIN has such a powerful labor force, they’ll jump on these trends right away (they offer up to 700 to 1,000 new designs PER DAY), encouraging people to stock up on skirts, tops, dresses, etc. that will inevitably and quickly go to Goodwill or in the trash, only for the cycle to restart.
SHEIN’s marketing budget is also truly off the charts, as they aggressively target spots on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. And who can resist when they’re peddling stuff like this:
May I be the first to say… “What in the fresh hell is this???”
Look unrealistic beauty standards are a whole other thing in the fashion world but just like…. where is this woman’s *ahem* bodily parts. You take one step in that bodysuit, *BOOM*, instant, infinite wedgie. You would have to pay ME $6 to wear that. Maybe more.
Ultimately, SHEIN is a microcosm of 21st century corporate glut: exploiting humans’ instinctual desire to be fashionable and fit in, with reckless disregard for the environment and human rights.
“CaPiTalisM BrEeds iNnoVation!!” Actually capitalism just creates incentives for slave-labor reliant companies to promote overconsumption and waste!! Can someone print me a (ethically sourced) shirt that says, “I lived my whole life without universal healthcare and accessible higher education and subsidized childcare and higher functioning public transit and the right to housing, all I got was this yeast infection bodysuit.”
Jia Tolentino
I didn’t want to write about this because I’m so desperately trying to remove all traces of it from my mind, but some rando dude (actually, I think he’s like medium notable which makes this even worse) published a poem in 3:AM Magazine about being in love with writer Jia Tolentino and it’s truly scarring. Send this man and whoever edited/posted it to prison.